What to know about this topic:
- What to think about as you research and begin touring
- Mistakes to avoid in moving and choosing
- Red flags to watch out for as you tour
What to think about as you research and begin touring
“When having the discussion [about care], begin with [the senior’s] daily routine and what makes them happy. If nature is important to them, does the retirement home offer an outdoor garden area or [places] where bird feeders and plants can be set up? Do they enjoy their daily walk to a coffee shop and want to be close to amenities like that? Do they enjoy baking and require [space to] continue their passion?
"Having these wish-list items can make all the difference to how easily someone transitions to—and enjoys—life in their new residence.”
“Consider the culture of the retirement community. Typically, as we age we tend to revert to our comfort zones; such as our mother tongue, where we grew up; activities we loved when younger. It’s important to be comfortable with your surroundings.
"When choosing where to live, look for staff and a community that will understand and cater to your individual needs to enhance your residence experience.”
“Physical aspects like the building’s layout can also be important. Can you get around easily? Do you like the size of the community?
"Know the lifestyle you’re comfortable with. Do you prefer cruise-ship living, or something like a village?”
“Do more than one visit. Multiple visits will really tell you if it’s comfortable. Know what you need [in terms of] privacy, independence, and freedom to make decisions.
"Talk to people in different daily settings, to get their view about what it’s like living there.
"Or walk around and ask yourself, ‘Is this a place [where] people feel like me? Do I have things in common with these people?’”
“When you’re shopping for a house, you get a feeling when you walk in. You just know. It can be the same way with looking for a retirement home.
"Communities each have a culture and an energy, so when you walk in, pay attention to how you feel. Look at how residents look and feel and how staff interact with them. These are key things to watch and to get a feel for.”
“It’s easy to get distracted by bells and whistles. Keep your list of ‘must haves’ firmly in mind. If your parent really wants some outdoor gardening opportunities, don’t get distracted by the pool and spa if that’s not what they value.”
Mistakes to avoid in moving and choosing
“We’ve witnessed moves that didn’t work out because of a rush in the search, led by an urgent need. Perhaps the senior was in the hospital and when they’re discharged, they can’t go home. They require care, and there’s an urgency to search for a place to go after the hospital.
"They move, not having had the time to learn more about all their options, the various communities, and what they each have to offer. Sometimes it’s not the right fit. They’re sometimes left at the beginning of their search all over again.
"It can also lead to cases where people declined unexpectedly or weren’t able to experience everything a retirement community has to offer.”
“When people tour a residence, what an adult child might find attractive—perhaps a brand-new residence— may not be what a senior parent is drawn to, for example, an established residence. It’s a big misstep to exclude the person who’ll be moving in from the beginning of the process.
"When families who are ‘just looking’ at options bring only top choices to their loved one for consideration, you risk excluding a residence that might appeal to them more and thus ease their transition.”
“Parents may wish to move near their adult children, but think twice before relocating from existing support systems such as their church, doctor, and old friends.”
“Don’t feel like you’re the first person to go through this with your parents, even if that’s what it feels like to you. The difficult decision you’re making, any guilt or fear that you have are typical of other people out there who are helping parents find a retirement home.”
Red flags to watch out for as you tour
“Raise a red flag if residents seem unhappy or unwillingto talk or are unkempt, if food is limited on the menu or poorly prepared. Is the staff indifferent?
"Do furniture and fittings seem worn or shabby? Is the building in poor repair? Better look elsewhere.”
“Be aware of how much you or your parents need [in terms of] privacy, independence, and freedom to make decisions about things. Some retirement homes are pretty [firm] in how they operate.
"I’d want to see what rules there are, and if the rules feel restrictive, that’s a red flag.”
“Residents should be treated with absolute respect. If staff call them ‘love’ or ‘dear’ or share whispered confidences with you as you pass the resident, that’s the mark of a custodial atmosphere.
"None of us, regardless of age, wants to be patronized or spoken about to others.”
“If you have all of these wonderful spaces inside the residence, like a greenhouse or a pool or other amenities like that, and no one’s using them, then that’s a red flag to me.”
“It’s important to know, at what point the retirement residence would ask someone or suggest that they need to find another place. They should acknowledge care limitations. A lot of them won’t be able to accommodate anyone who wanders. Some have limitations on behavioural issues. These things should be transparent.
"Families should be able to talk openly about them with the retirement home staff.”
