Learning to Love Again After a Loss

How does one begin to seek love again after the loss of a spouse or significant other?  When is it okay to move past the loss, to the living, and allow yourself to love again?  Will the guilt of feeling unfaithful to your spouse’s memory, and the need to be loved again, ever go away?

These are some of the very real questions many widows and widowers wrestle with as time goes on.  Jane Blaufus knows all too well the roller coaster of emotions one goes through and the very real fears people have with learning to love again. In the soon-to-be-released second edition of her highly-regarded book, WITH THE [STROKE] OF A PEN™, Claim your life, Jane includes a new chapter called Dating 201.  In it she recalls the hits and misses of all the well-meaning advice from others and her courageous decision to allow herself to find love again.

Jane shared with Comfort Life her Top 7 Love Lessons for opening your heart to love again:

1.     Be Sure.  Don’t let others decide for you when the time is right to date again, trust your instincts and start slowly.  You don’t need a steady stream of suitors, so feel free to allow yourself as much time in between as you need.

2.     Be Open.  You don’t have to join a gym, a church group or a curling club to start dating again.  There are many ways to meet people, and get to know them. Phone calls can be an easy way to get to know someone before the stress of a face-to-face date…. and you won’t have to break your back learning a new sport.

3.     Be Ready. Be prepared for the confusion and guilty feelings that may emerge even after you thought you were ready…mentally speaking you may have reconciled the guilt, but emotionally it may take a bit of negotiation with your heart to be sure you are doing the right thing.

4.     No One Wants to See You Alone. Many people fear that others, especially in-laws, will judge them for wanting, and needing, to be loved again.  Those who really love you want to see you happy again.

5.     Be Sensitive to Your Kids. Your kids may still be dealing with their own feelings of grief. Consider making those new connections when the kids are not around - especially during your first few dates and in the early stages of new relationships. No need to create stress and confusion.

6.     Listen to Your Friends. While you may not agree with them on how, they may be the only ones to push you out of the nest, and give you the permission to date that you won’t give yourself.

7.     Believe You Deserve Love. Some people don’t believe they can find love a second time. But as Jane can attest, it can happen, if you open your heart to the idea that we all deserve to be loved, again.

Jane Blaufus is an Author, Professional Speaker and Catalyst for ‘Courageous Conversations’.  Her first book, WITH THE [STROKE] OF A PEN™, Claim your life was released in 2012 and sold out within months. The second edition will be released in 2013, featuring a new forward by Chief Financial Commentator for CTV News Channel, Pattie Lovett-Reid, and a new chapter called Dating 201. She has been featured on the CTV National News Channel, CHCH Morning Live, and CTV News at Noon.

Written by Rania Walker

* * * * *

Have you or a parent recently joined the dating scene after the loss of a spouse? What was the major challenge they faced? Share your thoughts in the Comments section below.

Related:

5 Ways to Help Seniors Deal with the Loss of a Spouse

The Fifth Stage of Dating: Commitment